Time Travel Spam by Robby Todino Jr.

These are actual emails that I received. At the time, they utterly captured my imagination. Were they a prank? A crazy person? An actual time traveller? You can read more about the author, Robby Todino Jr. at Wikipedia and Wired.

The documents below have been slowly collected since the late 90’s. Some of them I typed in by hand from much loved original sources, others I simply copied from somewhere online. All of them are here because at the moment I read them, they struck a chord within me.

Initially I saved bookmarks to my favourite writings, but over the years I discovered that links don’t last. More often then not when I went reread a story, or send a link to a friend, I found that it was no longer available.

Eventually I decided that if I wanted long term access to these writings, I had to keep copies of them myself. It didn’t take long to realise that if I was going to do that, I may as well share them with others.

Nearly all documents have been copied without permission and all of them remain under the copyright of the original author. Where I was able I have included attribution to the original author and site.

If any of these writings belong to you, and you would like them removed or the attribution changed, please let me know.

From: Timetravel@dns-host.com
To: ainge@alaska.net
Subject: Time travelers PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
Date: 29 Jan 2002 01:41:09 +0000

If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!! I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

Travel back in time.

Rewind my life including my age back to 4.

Be able to remember what I know now so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with again after I go back.

I am in very great danger and need this immediately!

I am aware that there are many types of time travel, and that humans do not do well through certain types.

I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist. I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that.

If you can help me I will pay for your teleport or trip down here, Along with hotel stay, food and all expenses. I will pay top dollar for the equipment. Proof must be provided.

Please be advised that any temporal device that you may employ must account for X, Y, and Z coordinates as well as the temporal location. I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilitys and is useless without a vortex. If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator or where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals this would also be helpful.

Also if you are one of the very, very, few beings with the ability to edit the universe PLEASE REPLY!!!

Only if you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE) email to mailto:Robby0809@aol.com

Please do not reply if your an evil alien!
Thanks

Date: Sun, 29 Dec 2002 22:18:33 -0800 From: lee@juno.com ()
Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed!! adam
To: adam@...

Hello,

If you are a reliable supplier of the below equipment I am going to need the following:

A mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with memory adapter.
The special 23200 series time transducing capacitor with built in temporal displacement.

While these time pieces normally go between 5,000-7,000 a piece, I am having a hard time finding a reliable supplier.

Teleport to me within the next 48 earth hours and I will pay $40,000 2002 US cash. Please only reply if you are reliable. Send a (SEPARATE) email to me at: Tomnwrr@aol.com

!XpVxunUEjl

Website Quote Request:

FY!WfVvCNRT27055: dZkAFFTewaekO T

From: "" eoliver@bahn.de
To: <adam@XXX>
Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed p tzenrpul us
Date: Tue, 22 Jul 03 11:37:41 GMT

Hello,

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Since nobody here seems to be able=
to get me what I need (safely here to me), I will have to build a simple =
time travel circut to get where I need myself. I am going to need an easy =
to follow picture diagram for a simple time travel circut, which can be bu=
ilt out of (readily available) parts here in 2003. Please email me any sch=
ematics you have. I will pay good money for anything you send me I can use=

Or if you have the rechargeable AMD dimensional warp generator wrist wat=
ch unit available, and are 100% certain you have a (secure) means of deliv=
ering it to me please also reply. Send a separate email to me at: info@fed=
eralfundingprogram.com.

Do not reply back directly to this email as it will only be bounced back t=
o you.

Thank You

From: "" 2213@bahn.de
To: <adam@...>
Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed gd enfsfbva nmkk
Date: Fri, 01 Aug 03 15:34:22 GMT

Hello,

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:
I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday July 28th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss th=
is timeframe please email me.

Latitude N 42.48018 & Longitude W 071.15503 and the Elevation is 96.
WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATIO=
N. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!!
I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPY=
ING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IM=
PORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.

Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now.

After unit has been sent please email me at: info@federalfundingprogram.com=
with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.

Thank You

archive posted on 29 Jan 2002 in #laughing, #nerding & #travelling